The Stocks of Conan the Barbarian

From The Stock Masters

In 1982, the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in the leading role of the infamous movie, Conan the Barbarian. I caught AMC’s Friday night showing of Conan the Barbarian, and I asked myself, what stocks would Conan the Barbarian buy if he were alive today? I’ll attempt to answer those questions and many more in this detailed analysis of The Stocks of Conan the Barbarian…

The first thing Conan would do is search for a company with the word “Sword” in its name. I doubt that he would do any research on the company he finds, which is of course, Thunder Sword Resources Inc. (CVE: THU). With a name like that, how could Conan the Barbarian not buy? Would he really care about the company’s financial situation or what they do? Luckily, you have the StockMasters here to analyze this company for you. Thunder Sword Resources Inc. is a Canada-based company engaged in mineral exploration and development, and sales of magnesium chloride. While that doesn’t sound too exciting, the company recently announced a Uranium claim, partnering with the Saskatchewan Company and Tribune Resources. With the recent price increase of Uranium, it could get interesting. Thunder Sword optioned properties consist of seven groups comprising a total of 22 Uranium claims with an area of 74,722 hectares. Unfortunately fellow StockMasters, I don’t think we’ve found a diamond in the rough here. Shares of THU trade around $1.98 and I really wish they would trade the corporate logo for a choice picture of Thundarr the Barbarian. Maybe that could get this stock move, Lords of Light!!

One of the most famous quotes, perhaps the most famous quote, from Conan is:
"Conan! What is best in life?"
"To crush your enemies — See them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!"

You’re damn right about that Conan. The thing is, the only place you can crush your enemies these days is in the ring. I can picture Conan buying shares of 
World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. (WWE). On February 13th, the company announced rising profits, WWE’s net income was $31.6M compared with $29.8M in the period a year ago, not bad for cheap thrills and bad acting. One thing we did notice while researching the company, is they did not provide a specific forecast on near-term results. If Conan were here, he would most likely decapitate the board of directors. This month they replaced their CFO with Michael Sileck who has no experience dressing up or acting like a barbarian. Flavor Flav could rock a badass barbarian helmet but could Sileck? Bad or good you say? Despite analysts saying the WWE is losing it’s fan base, they are profitable, and they pay out a 24 Cent dividend every quarter. Not bad for a stock that trades under $16. People are always going to pay to watch other people beat the tar out of each other, that hasn’t changed since the time of the Gladiators or even Conan (whatever time that was) and people will continue to do so in the future.

King Osric: There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father’s love for his child.

Yes folks – King Osiric was high on crack. How could you be the ruler of Shadizer and not love every minute of it?

Conan was out for the Gold people, or was he? If you’ve seen the wonderful movie which is Conan the barbarian, you know that Conan was out for the Steel.

Another great Conan Quote:
Conan: He is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, "What is the riddle of steel?" If I don’t know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me. That’s Crom, strong on his mountain!

Uhh, whatever you say Conan. His love of Crom, the God of Steel, would make Gibraltar Industries (ROCK) a top choice for the Conan the Barbarian portfolio picks. Downward revisions have been killing ROCK lately, sending share price down 17% in the last 12 months. The company isn’t about to close it’s doors though. We like the forward P/E of 11.02, and while growth has slowed recently thanks to a declining housing and auto market, it’s bound to pick up again in the future. They even manage to pay a dividend, a whole 5 cents a share every quarter! Conan, you’ve outdone yourself this time.

There you have it folks, 3 stocks Conan would buy – take them or leave them, at least you’ve learned something today.

For you Conan fanatics out there, Conan the Barbarian is coming back to the Big Screen in 2008 – according to IMDB – “No actors have been hired, but the casting process has begun". Both Warner and Paradox have agreed that an unknown will play Conan. This means The Rock is not in the running. However, expect some A-list actors to turn up as other cast members. Is it a remake? No, a remake implies a new version of an original script. This movie has no connection to any previous Conan movies; it is a franchise restart, like "Batman Begins". It is a brand new adaptation of the original Conan stories by Robert E. Howard.

I’m speechless. See you at the theaters.

Article written by: Phil "Sword Master" McCallister
Article posted on: March 12th, 2007

Disclaimer: The Author does not own any shares or hold any short/long positions in the securities mentioned in this publication.

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