“Ashes to ashes , dust to dust”…The Book of Common Prayer
“Remember Caesar, thou art mortal” — William Shakespeare
The media creates and distributes hundreds of lists of the most powerful, the richest, and the most visible people in the world, along with the most important, highest paid, and best performing CEOs, most influential political figures and most famous celebrities. Recently those lists have included chronicles of top women executives, most promising executives under 40, and the wealthiest athletes.
Many companies and people on these most powerful and most respected lists don’t stay there for long. Toyota was on almost all the corporate best and most valuable brand lists. Just three years ago, Bank of America CEO, Ken Lewis, was one of the most admired financial executives in the world.
Many of the people who hold important titles and appear in the press regularly are not powerful at all. These people often have very little influence themselves. The organizations that they work for are often ineffectual as well. The world is filled with figureheads and frauds.
24/7 Wall St. looked across the worlds of celebrity, wealth, fame, corporate power, national and international politics, and religion to find a number of people who are much less important than they seem to be. This list is the result of the research about the large population of pretenders and the universe of people who hold the offices, run the companies, and walk the red carpets, but have little if any control over anything in particular.
To qualify for this 24/7 Wall St. list, a person had to be well known, at least in his or her own field or country, had to be under 100 years of age, and percieved to hold a position of power or influence well beyond the reality of his station.
Here is the 24/7 Wall St. 2010 list of the “100 Least Powerful People Under 100 Years Old”
RANK | NAME/TITLE | EXPLANATION | |
---|---|---|---|
1 | Dennis Dammerman, Chairman of Compensation Committee at AIG | He has no power since AIG executive compensation is set almost entirely by pay czar Ken Feinberg. | |
2 | Hamoud Mohsen al-Yacoubi, Chief of the Iraqi Tourism Board | His job is futile since many of the people who have visited Iraq in the last five years have been killed, wounded, or are terrorists themselves. | |
3 | Shinichi Sasaki, Toyota Overseer of Quality Control | What quality control? Recall of 8 million cars (plus the Prius) have destroyed Toyota’s hard-won reputation for quality, perhaps for decades. Blame should be laid at Sasaki’s feet. | |
4 | George Papandreou, Prime Minister of Greece | His authority will be completely wiped out as EU prepares to offer financing to rescue Greece and take de facto control of this ancient republic. | |
5 | Drew Faust, President of Harvard | The first woman to become president of Harvard is left without capital needed to run university because her predecessor, Larry Summers, supported an endowment investment strategy that blew up as the market tanked. | |
6 | Meg Ryan, Actress | Formerly America’s sweetheart and box office star. Heavy addiction to plastic surgery ruined her career. | |
7 | Mel Karmazin, CEO of Sirius | May lose #1 attraction Howard Stern. Satellite radio in late-stage death throes due to rise of iPod and other consumer electronics devices. | |
8 | Al Davis, Owner of the Oakland Raiders | Head of the most successful sports franchise in NFL history. But, team has now gone 29-83 since 2003. | |
9 | Kim Pyong-ryul, President of the Central Court of North Korea | Job description is an oxymoron: runs the justice wing of a nation that has no justice. Kim Jong Il is president for life and will shortly be succeeded by his son. | |
10 | Billy Tauzin, Former Chief PhRMA Lobbyist | Former congressman forced out of $2 million job after he aligned himself with the wrong side of the health care issue. | |
11 | Ernesto Bertarelli, Swiss Former America’s Cup Title Holder | Swiss billionaire lost America’s cup to Oracle’s Larry Ellison’s wing-powered sailing vessel after long court fight over boat configuration. | |
12 | Ed Whitacre, CEO of General Motors | Former telecom executive admits he knows very little about cars. Federal government controls company via 70% ownership. | |
13 | Bertha Lewis, President of ACORN | Agency was poster child for federal housing assistance. ACORN lost federal funding after undercover sting operation revealed they were willing to help prostitutes avoid federal tax laws. | |
14 | Charles F. Bolden, Head of NASA | Director of a program with a budget cut to the bone. The space agency lost its capital for returning to the moon and for building a new space shuttle program. Astronauts can always hitch a ride with Sir Richard Branson. | |
15 | Mansur Muhtar, Finance Minister of Nigeria | The Urban legend of the digital age, who sends out over fifteen billion emails a year offering Nigerian oil riches in exchange for checking account and social security data. In reality, the Nigerian is so poor he doesn’t own a computer. | |
16 | Stacy Deluke, Spokesperson for Xe Corporation | Spokesperson for Blackwater, AKA “Xe corporation,” which is under investigation for killing civilians in Iraq and other criminal acts. And what’s with the suspicious timing of the name change? | |
17 | Joseph Zen Ze-kiun, Ranking Catholic Bishop in China | Runs the operation of the world’s largest religious organization in the world’s most populous nation, where, by the way, religion is banned. | |
18 | Carly Fiorina, Former CEO of Hewlett-Packard | Disgraced former head of Hewlett-Packard now running doomed campaign for U.S. senate seat in California. Recent smear campaign against opponent backfires virally. | |
19 | Dmitry Medvedev, President of Russia | Acting puppet to Russian strongman, Vladimir Putin. Is head of Russian government in name only. Rarely speaks in public these days. | |
20 | John Edwards, Former Presidential Candidate | Once had good shot at becoming president. Now has good shot of being most hated political figure of the past five years. |
RANK | NAME/TITLE | EXPLANATION | |
---|---|---|---|
21 | Elizabeth II, Queen of England | Was born when the British Empire was still a major military and political force. Dislike of the monarchy has grown since Diana’s death. Has no power under UK constitution. Currently 83 years old. | |
22 | Brad Childress, Minnesota Vikings Head Coach | Vikings actually coached by aging quarterback. If he doesn’t retire, Farve will almost certainly replace Childress by becoming official player-coach. | |
23 | Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security | She has title, but nicknamed “Incompetano” because of her inability to get the federal bureaucracy to respond with any sense of urgency after yet another terrorist attempt. | |
24 | Ban Ki-Moon, Secretary General of the U.N. | Organization has been a failure since its creation after World War II. Recent conflicts in Afghanistan, Iraq, North Korea and Iran only prove how much the UN has been marginalized. | |
25 | James Keyes, CEO of Blockbuster | Operates one of America’s most obsolete companies. | |
26 | Elena Salgado Mendez, President of the Spanish Ministry of Economy and Finance | Runs the treasury in the one of the few developed nations where tax dodgers outnumber taxpayers. | |
27 | Rep. Jerry Lewis, Ranking Republican Member of the Appropriations Committee | Minority member of powerful committee which is like rowing a canoe without a paddle. | |
28 | Tom Delay, Former Congressman | Political Suicide Checklist: Abramoff scandal; resigns as House chair; leaves Congress in disgrace; goes on “Dancing With the Stars” and quits that midseason. | |
29 | Glenn Hall, Editor of thestreet.com | Online financial site content dominated by Wall Street pundit Jim Cramer. Editorial operations are an appendix. | |
30 | Ralph de la Vega, President and CEO of AT&T Mobility and Consumer Markets | Oversees Ma Bell’s wireless business which has become case study for poor customer service. Has become famous for dropped ca… | |
31 | Sharif Sheikh Ahmed, Prime Minister of Somalia | Nation is run by the world’s largest armada of pirates. Ahmed is lucky he’s not being held hostage. | |
32 | Alan Greenspan, Former Chairman of the Fed | Sandwiched between current Fed champion Bernanke and highly regarded former chief Volcker. Alan spends his time on CNBC countering argument that he wrecked the housing market. 84 and looks it. | |
33 | Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada | Runs what is fundamentally the fifty-first state in US. | |
34 | Fidel Castro, Cuban Dictator | One of the few brutal dictators in history to allow a family member to take over while he is still alive. At 84 he is too ill to run the country. | |
35 | Rachel Pendergraft, National Membership Coordinator of the KKK | A woman who runs the outreach program for one of the most bigoted organizations in America. | |
36 | Graham Atkinson, United Airlines Executive Vice President and Chief Customer Officer | United gives customer satisfaction a bad name in the industry where the term is a joke. | |
37 | Paul Watson, Environmental Activist, Whale Wars Castmember | Ejected from Greenpeace in 1977 for being too radical (a feat.) Watson’s televised nuisance campaign distracts Japanese whalers only long enough for them to sink his expensive boats. | |
38 | Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California | Number one box office draw now lame duck California Governor as state teeters on the brink of bankruptcy. | |
39 | James Albaugh, Head of Commercial Aviation at Boeing | Incomprehensible delays in “Dream Liner” debut has ruined Boeing’s image as one of the premier manufacturers and corporate innovators in the world. | |
40 | Mark Sanford, Governor of South Carolina | Still the Governor of South Carolina, has lost all political viability after being humiliated in public at a level most politicians only have nightmares about. Once considered presidential candidate material. |
RANK | NAME/TITLE | EXPLANATION | |
---|---|---|---|
41 | Bhumibol Adulyadej, King of Thailand | The World’s longest-serving monarch,who can arrest people for mocking his authority. As far as we can tell, he has no other power whatsoever. Currently 82 years of age. | |
42 | Tom Burnham, Mississippi Superintendant of Education | State routinely has the highest illliteracy (sp?) rate in the United States. Future superintendents are not required to have college degrees. | |
43 | Mitch Bainwol, Head of the RIAA | Fight against digital music piracy is abject failure as 90% of all downloads are still illegal. | |
44 | J Allard, Head of the Zune Division at Microsoft | Runs failed Zune multimedia player division after successfully running Xbox initiative. Changed name from James to J. Is he trying to go incognito? | |
45 | Ken Feinberg, Obama Pay Czar | Feinberg has absolutely no say over pay at the really important banks like Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan. | |
46 | Steve Berkowitz, CEO of Ask.com | Runs the fourth-largest search engine in the United States, which means he runs no search engine at all. | |
47 | Mark Papermaster, Head of Device Hardware Division, Apple TV | Apple hardware chief is responsible for the company’s only recent failure – Apple TV. | |
48 | Bill Campbell, Member of Apple’s Board, former CEO of Intuit | Senior member of Apple’s emasculated board of directors, which operates under the thumb of Steve Jobs. | |
49 | Michael Jeffries, CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch | CEO of retailer which has posted extraordinary loss of customers. Heads the only retailer on the MSN Money Customer Service Hall of Shame. | |
50 | Paris Hilton, Heiress | America’s most famous celebutante… 3 years ago. | |
51 | Bob Martin, Commissioner of the New Jersey EPA | Runs the environmental program for a state that glows in the dark. Toxic sludge in the state has a radioactive half-life of 20,000 years. | |
52 | Elliot Spitzer, Former Governor of New York | Should probably be replaced on the list by current NY State Attorney General Cuomo and current Governor Patterson–both boobs. | |
53 | David Strickland, National Highway Traffic Safety Administration | Agency failed to police Toyota and early complaints about brake and accelerator problems before it became the largest vehicle recall in world history. | |
54 | Kieth Olbermann, TV Commentator | Ratings have fallen so much recently, his show may be subject to cancellation. The only major liberal commentator in TV news should probably do better. May yet end up on “The View” or “Dancing with the Stars.” | |
55 | Tucker Carlson, Political Commentator | Former respected CNN pundit’s decline, which began with Jon Stewart’s assassination of Crossfire, has reached it’s zenith: “Dancing with the Stars.” | |
56 | Michael Dell, Chairman and CEO of Dell | Has been either chair or CEO of Dell as it moved from the premier PC company in the U.S. to an also-ran, eclipsed by Chinese firms as well as H.P. and Apple. | |
57 | Hoda Kotb, Today Show Co-host | Co-hosts last hour of the “Today Show.” Overshadowed by Kathy Lee Gifford. Sits in passenger seat as program drives towards oblivion. | |
58 | Tasso Azevedo, President of the Brazillian Forest Service | Fifty-percent of Amazon rainforests have been cut or burned to the ground. | |
59 | Kalan Trippa, The Premier of Tibet | Is in exile because Tibet is a province of China. The Dalai Lama holds all political power this rogue nation can claim. | |
60 | Jerry Grundhofer, Chairman of Risk Management Committee at Citi | All Risk management at Citigroup is controlled by Ben Bernanke and Timothy Geithner. |
RANK | NAME/TITLE | EXPLANATION | |
---|---|---|---|
61 | John E. Potter, Postmaster General | Post office functions replaced by email, texting, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, UPS, FedEx and PONY EXPRESS. | |
62 | Steingrimur J. Sigfusson, Finance Minister of Iceland | Nation’s bankruptcy makes the position irrelevant and his salary unaffordable for this frozen island country. | |
63 | Janet Robinson, President and CEO of the New York Times Company | The Sulzburger family controls all voting shares with one of its members acting as chairman. Her job as CEO is strictly for PR purposes. | |
64 | Miguel H. Díaz, U.S. Ambassador to the Vatican | The single least important and most ceremonial job in the American diplomatic corps. | |
65 | Patrick Kennedy, Rhode Island Congressman | Had little power as a congressman after drunken crash at the capital. Is now lame duck and will be last Kennedy to stagger out of Washington. | |
66 | Jon Corzine, Former New Jersey Governor | Former chairman of Goldman Sachs is now the former Governor of New Jersey. | |
67 | Jonathan Schwartz, Former CEO of Sun Microsystems | After ruining Sun, Schwartz was kicked out of his firm by acquirer Oracle. | |
68 | Kiki Vandeweghe, New Jersey Nets Coach | Extremely likely to coach the NBA franchise with the greatest number of single-season losses. | |
69 | Tiger Woods, Golf Pro | What more can anyone possibly say? | |
70 | Felipe Calderon, President of Mexico | Has lost control of the northern tier of his nation to drug lords. Long campaign to oust them has failed. | |
71 | George W. Bush, Former President of the United States | Disavowed by his party the day he left office. Disappeared completely from public view more quickly than Richard Nixon. Only speaking gigs of note are at gun rallies at $100/plate. | |
72 | Hilda L. Solis, Secretary of Labor | Has had the privilege of presiding over one of the great periods in unemployment growth in American history. After her boss committed the administration to saving over three million jobs. | |
73 | Hulk Hogan, Former Pro Wrestler | Longest reigning World Wrestling Entertainment heavyweight champion can no longer even get third-tier cable TV reality show contract. | |
74 | Rosie O’Donnell, Entertainer | Once the “queen of nice,” lost so much celebrity juice that she did not renew her contract to stay on the also-ran women’s show “The View.” | |
75 | Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican National Committee | After an endless series of PR gaffes, awkward interviews, embarrassing quotes turned viral and bad predictions, Steele’s party is turning against him faster than you can say George W. Bush. | |
76 | Jay H. Walder, Chairman of the MTA | Nation’s largest urban transportation operation has lost almost all its budget, forcing it to raise rates and cut service. Walking will soon be the preferred mode of transportation in NYC. | |
77 | Jesse Jackson, Activist | Former respected civil rights leader has become caricature through self-aggrandizing behavior. | |
78 | Joseph Forti, Las Vegas Chief of Police | Runs law and order force in the mecca for “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” | |
79 | Dr. Timothy Evans, WHO Assistant Director-General for Information, Evidence and Research | Oversaw agency’s alarming claims that swine flu epidemic could infect 2 billion people. National governments and the private sector around the world spent hundreds of millions preparing for nothing. | |
80 | Cillia Flores, Speaker of the National Assembly in Venezuela | Runs the legislative branch of the government of dictator Hugo Chavez, Venezuelan president for life. |
RANK | NAME/TITLE | EXPLANATION | |
---|---|---|---|
81 | Kara DioGuardi, American Idol Judge | The replacement for Paula Abdul, this American Idol Judge, could never replace Paula in the hearts of Idol’s viewers. Also, no one remembers her name. | |
82 | Owen Van Natta, MySpace CEO | Former king of social media exiled from News Corp after failed power bid. | |
83 | Carrie Prejean, Former Miss California | Old: Miss California insults homosexuals, politicians call for her resignation. New: star of the latest sex tape scandal. | |
84 | Rep. Dennis Kucinich, Ohio Congressman | A perennial presidential also-ran who is portrayed as a clown by the media. Undeservedly beautiful wife not enough to keep him off the list. | |
85 | Jim Zorn, Former NFL coach | Old: New head coach enters the season with big-contract players and high expectations. New: Embarrassing record, is slowly stripped of play calling powers, then fired. | |
86 | Anil Ambani, Indian Billionaire | Indian mogul famous for losing $30 billion in a single year, 2008. The number two biggest loser of that year? His brother. | |
87 | Jon Rubinstein, CEO of Palm | Attempts to launch new smartphone have utterly failed. Company will be lucky to last as pressure from iPhone and Blackberry mounts. | |
88 | Mark McGwire, Former MLB Player | One of the greatest heroes in baseball history during the 1998 season, McGuire now sits in the hall of shame with Pete Rose. | |
89 | Jerry Yang, Former CEO of Yahoo | Founder and one time CEO of Yahoo! will be remembered for turning down one of the sweetest corporate acquisition offers in history. Recently began dumping company shares. | |
90 | Admiral Aranda, Chief Naval Officer of Bolivia | Runs Naval Forces of a land-locked country that can’t afford a navy. Enough said. | |
91 | Jimmy Carter, Former U.S. President | Carter is one of the most impotent living ex-presidents in history. His four years in office will be little more than a footnote in the annals of the American presidency. Currently 85 years of age. | |
92 | Brian Tierney, Publisher | Former P.R. executive made humiliating attempt to resurrect Philly newspapers. Likely to lose control to creditors. | |
93 | Eddy Murphy, Comedian | Was number one box office star for nearly a decade. Now headlines children’s films that no one wants to see. | |
94 | Carson Daly, Host of NBC’s Last Call With Carson Daly | Former TRL host wishes he was popular enough to be fired by NBC, they’ve probably forgotten about him. | |
95 | Kanye West, Rapper | Embarrases self at Grammys; not invited to Haiti celebrity benefit after Katrina outburst. | |
96 | Ron Marshall, Former CEO of Borders | Deserted #2 American book chain as it prepares to go under in an “Amazon-ed” world. | |
97 | Ray Elliot, CEO of Boston Scientific | Company has unprecedented history of failure in the medical supply industry. Just agreed to pay Johnson & Johnson $1.7 billion in patent settlements. | |
98 | Roland C. Smith, Wendy’s/Arby’s CEO | Presides over the weakest brands in fast foods. McDonald’s continues to take industry market share. | |
99 | Graham Lintott, Vice-Marshal of the New Zealand Air Force | The Royal New Zealand Air Force is comically small, featuring only a few helicopters and transport planes. Any single American fighter pilot has more power than Lintott. | |
100 | Al Gore, Former Vice President | Global warming refuseniks are winning battle over temperature control. Gore also lap-dog on Steve Jobs’ board of directors. Now seeks visibility as guest star on “30 Rock.” |
-Douglas A. McIntyre and Michael Sauter 30
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