Personal Finance

I worked hard, paid off debt, and banked millions but now my family keeps asking me for money - what can I do?

Kristin Hitchcock

Published: October 29, 2024 9:36 am

24/7 Wall St. Key Takeaways:

• Achieving financial freedom is a huge achievement, but it can lead to some resentment within the family, especially if others aren’t as successful as you. 
• You should offer resources and knowledge to your family members, but you are not required to provide for them financially. 
• Also: Take this quiz to see if you’re on track to retire (Sponsored)

Many people imagine that all of their problems will go away once they reach a certain net worth. But, based on my experience, reaching a higher net worth often brings along problems of its own! 

I was watching an episode of Dave Ramsey’s show, and this exact problem came up. After working hard and reaching almost four million in net worth using Dave Ramsey’s advice, the caller began receiving insistent requests for money from his family members.

I’ll take a deeper look at his situation below and provide some practical advice on how to handle tension with family over money:

1. Success Can Spark Envy, Even in Family

In this example, a man worked hard to become financially independent, achieving a net worth beyond what his family imagined. When relatives found out about his success, it stirred envy. Some family members even assumed he would cover bills and hinted that he should share his wealth with them!

Success in family circles can, unfortunately, attract entitlement. People generally only see the outside of success, not all of the hard work behind the scenes. 

2. Family Boundaries are Essential

Whenever family tensions arise (whether it has to do with money or not), I recommend setting strict boundaries ASAP. The caller made several attempts to do just that, explaining that his priority was his own household. 

Of course, his family didn’t take it very well. That said, the other party rarely likes it when you set boundaries, but they don’t have to! The important part is that you set those boundaries and keep them. 

3. Offer Knowledge, Not Handouts

If you have financial knowledge that has helped you succeed, there is no reason not to share that knowledge with your family. The caller explained that they offered to share books and other helpful resources with their family members, but many of them did not take it well. 

It’s completely fine for others not to accept your help. You can’t control other’s decisions, especially when it comes to their finances. Still, it is possible that family members may take the advice behind the scenes, where their egos aren’t at stake. 

4. Prepare for Emotional Impact

Setting boundaries can come at an emotional cost, especially if family members begin harboring resentment. While the caller did set boundaries, some family members continued to maintain unrealistic expectations. It’s going to require some emotional grit to hold the boundaries he set.

5. Success Isn’t Something to Apologize For

It’s common to feel guilty about financial achievements, especially if others around you are struggling. If you are one of the few financially successful people in your circle, it’s going to breed resentment in some. 

However, it’s important to remember that achieving success does not make you responsible for everyone else! You don’t have to justify your success or apologize for making wise money choices.