When people from different cultures intermarry, communication is even more important in order to avoid unintended slights or nonaligned expectations that can cause rifts among the couple and their respective in-laws. Exacerbating matters further can be when substantial sums of money are involved, which may accompany traditional cultural expectations that may not be reciprocated and become a potential threat to family harmony. 

A Reddit poster found herself in a comparable awkward position with her in-laws. A 32-year-old woman and her husband work in technology and have a quickly growing $5 million net worth and a $1.5 million mortgage. Her in-laws want to give them $100,000 for their mortgage, but she is concerned about the implications and cultural expectations that would accompany accepting the money. Her husband’s family is from India, where extended families have often lived together under the same roof for generations. 

The Gift With Unwanted Strings Attached?

Here is a snapshot of the poster’s family finances: 

Item	Amount	Status
Net Worth	$5 million +	Growing quickly
Mortgage	($1.5 million)	Easily managed, could pay off now in entirety.
Question
In-Laws’ Gift For Mortgage	$100,000	Offered, not yet accepted

The poster has several concerns about what accepting the $100,000 would entail and how it would affect her family since she is not Indian, and they plan to raise their toddler as an American. Her husband is the only son. She understands that paying off their own mortgage was a huge relief and would like for their son to do the same. Additionally:

• She respects the fact that her in-laws are debt-averse and are trying to help.
• As her husband is the only son, she understands that from their perspective, he is going to inherit all of their money anyway.
• She acknowledges that a number of financial advisors advocate for parents to gift early to reduce the size of a potential estate tax in the future after their demise.

On the other side:

• The poster and her husband are paid very well in their tech jobs and actually have the wherewithal to pay off the entire mortgage now, if they chose to do so.
• $100,000 is a lot of money for her in-laws, but would barely make a dent in the $1.5 million mortgage.
• She is worried that accepting the gift for the mortgage implies a tacit acceptance of the Indian custom of parents living with their children and grandchildren for the rest of their lives, which she adamantly does not want. 

A Diplomatic Solution

Clear communication with a heap of tact are vitally important to avoid having the in-laws take umbrage. There are a combination of steps that the couple can do to create a “win/win” scenario,once the poster and her husband have discussed and concur:

• Explain that the mortgage is not an issue, and that there are tax deductions that are being taken by paying it off slowly, even though they have the capability to pay it off in full immediately, so there’s no need for the in-laws to worry.
• Point out that the gift of $100,000 would be very much appreciated by the family and might be best applied to a 529 account for the toddler grandchild’s college. The 529 account can even be managed by the grandparents at their discretion, since it would grow tax-free.
• Remind the in-laws that since it’s great that the toddler will be raised with exposure to both American and Indian culture, the gift of education is fitting, as it holds much higher cache in India. Since the parents are both educated and in technology, it re-emphasizes the Indian half of the child’s heritage. 

This article should be construed as opinion only. A financial professional would best be consulted if more detailed and in-depth counsel is sought.

 

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