I’m in my mid-30s and worth millions – how do I navigate my relationship with my younger girlfriends without disclosing all my wealth?

Wealthy single individuals who navigate the dating waters often need to be concerned with gold diggers, fake sexual harassment shakedowns, and blackmailing gigolos. Community property and equitable distribution are now the law of the land across the country, with even the increasing trend towards court overturns of prenuptial agreements have made matrimony among wealthy singles a daunting prospect.

“Crazy Rich Asians” Nick Young Scenario?

 A very wealthy Reddit poster in his 30s has found himself in exactly this predicament. He is dating a woman in his 20’s but is reluctant to disclose his true net worth to her.  She “probably” knows he’s rich because she has seen photos of him on different vacations, but it appears he has not given her any details other than vague clues, not unlike Henry Golding’s megarich Nick Young character from the hit rom-com movie, Crazy Rich Asians. He says the relationship is going fine, but is concerned that if it sours, knowledge of his true wealth may spur her towards mercenary retribution. 

The poster’s actual finances include the following:

• Net worth over $10 million.
• Annual income in 7 figures.

The poster states that he is contemplating marriage, but wants to know if there is a way to withhold details about his net worth regardless.

The Truths and More Than One Type of Trust

Putting large financial assets in a trust prior to discussing engagement and marriage is a good way to dispel doubts and trust issues in a relationship about gold-digging.

From what it sounds like, the poster has been trying to maintain a relatively low profile in his current relationship and has not been ostentatious about spending to impress his girlfriend so far. The fact that they have been able to build a relationship so far without money being the obvious attraction is a positive sign.

While professional advice from matrimonial, estate, and tax attorneys is warranted for the poster or anyone else in a similar situation, the following questions that come to mind are ones that the poster needs to ask himself:

• Has the girlfriend given you any reason to doubt trusting her with the truth?
• Have you considered setting up your wealth in a trust that can protect your estate from predatory divorce attorneys?
• If your wealth is in a trust, the terms of the trust can potentially eliminate the topic of your net worth from any kind of prenuptial agreement discussions while still letting the girlfriend know that should you get married and start a family, you have means beyond the seven-figure annual income. 
• Any prenuptial agreement will likely require full disclosure of net worth to maintain validity, so shielding it in a trust beforehand is a prudent step to take regardless.
• Have you considered seeing a pre-marriage counselor?
• By continuing to withhold the information from the girlfriend, you run the risk of her finding out details from someone else that harms your relationship because of a perceived lack of trust on your part. 
• If you cannot get past the trust issue with the girlfriend, you should probably part on good terms while you can and look elsewhere. If she feels you have been “leading her on”, she may harbor resentment that can cause personal issues in the future. 
• If you live in a no-fault divorce state that also has community property laws, putting as much of the pre-marriage assets in a trust beforehand is strongly advisable since those laws have turned matrimony into a lottery game with sky-high rates of divorce.