I’m a 35-year-old single woman with over $1 million saved—why is dating so difficult?

If you struggle with dating, you aren’t the first, and you certainly won’t be the last. Dating is difficult no matter who you are. But how does dating change when you’re rich? It should be easier, right?

One particularly rich woman was wondering just this, and took her concerns to the community in r/fatFIRE, a group of people focused on earning lots of money and retiring early with “a fat stash”. So, while it might not be the best place for dating advice, it certainly has a heap of opinions from people with lots of money.

Please remember that the opinions you find online, especially regarding dating and money, including this article, are just opinions. You should never take these opinions as legal or financial advice.

The Question

A couple going on a date.

The author of the post says that they are a Chinese woman with over $1 million in savings. They say they have significant amounts of real estate that contribute to their wealth.

Through a number of personal anecdotes, she bemoans her recent dating history that have all turned out to be disasters. She asked the community if this is normal, or if it is something about her personally that might be the problem.

The Community Response

A woman looking bored while on a bad date.

There were a handful of common responses to the author’s concerns, most of which focused on wealth and the consequences of money in the dating world.

First, most people admitted that dating is getting harder for most people. With the rise of social media, right-wing male influencers and toxic masculinity self-help workshops, it is becoming nearly impossible for good men and women to find good, respectful, and healthy matches.

Second, many pointed out that the kinds of men in her social circle, or at the places she frequents, are also probably very wealthy, and only certain types of people are willing to sacrifice other aspects of their lives to earn that much money and frequent those same places. They are (most likely) very insecure about their lives and use money as validation for their worth and importance as a person.

Third, some said that wealthy men aren’t looking for someone as rich as them or someone more successful than them. It makes them feel insecure and embarrassed to be with a woman who has more money than them. Unfortunately, with the rise of some religious sects, this mindset is only getting worse in some parts of the world.

The main recommendation from the thread was that the author should avoid talking about money, work, jobs, or finances at all during the first few dates in order to actually get to know the person. If possible, they should expand their social circle to get to know some more authentic people.