Personal Finance

I'm 29 and will be helping my 70 year old grandmother in her retirement and my mom is being resentful - does she have a point?

Marc Guberti

Published: January 18, 2025 11:33 am

The Aging Parents subreddit contains posts from Redditors who have to navigate life with aging parents. As people get older, they gradually lose the ability to do basic things and take care of themselves. The subreddit is filled with stressed and overwhelmed individuals, and this post captures one of the tougher stories in the subreddit.

A 29-year-old woman is taking care of her grandmother, who is in her late 70’s. The 29-year-old is doing all of the work to take care of the grandmother since the mother and grandmother have a sour relationship. Furthermore, the mother plans to move out of the country and live off Social Security payouts.

The mother gets super defensive when the Redditor points any of this out to her. It’s a tough situation, and moral support can go a long way, even if it’s only coming from social media comments. 

Don’t Stop Living Your Life

The Redditor said that taking care of her grandmother may prevent her from having children and living her life. While it’s hard to juggle many things in addition to work and caregiving, it’s still good to take care of yourself from time to time.

Spending time meeting new people and pursuing your hobbies will strengthen your mental health amid a stressful phase in your life. It’s not selfish to do things for yourself on occasion while caring for a parent or grandparent. In fact, self-carecan leave you in a better position to take care of your aging parent. It’s similar to putting on your oxygen mask before you assist with putting on someone else’s oxygen mask. 

Get Your Grandmother Involved

The Redditor mentioned that her grandmother still has some type of independence. Keeping the grandmother active can make her sense of independence last longer. She may even see a slight improvement if you get her involved.

If possible, she can work a remote job, even if it’s only for a few hours each week. The additional money she brings in can help cover her caregiving expenses in the future. While that’s ideal, it’s not realistic for all aging parents. The next best thing could be having the grandmother help around with basic chores around the house, but everyone’s mileage will vary.

Keeping her moving and giving her a purpose will make it easier to take care of her. That way, the grandmother can take care of herself to some degree. She’ll still need help, but any amount of independence is better than none at all.

You Don’t Have to Care for Your Parents If They Won’t Care for You

The Redditor has stated that she will bear the full financial responsibility of taking care of her grandmother, and she’s also doing it alone. It’s good to speak with a financial advisor if you can on these types of matters, but there’s one thing to make clear during this process.

The 29-year-old woman’s parents are putting her in a tough spot by putting all of the responsibility on her. It’s quiteindecent to neglect your parents if they treated you well or to pass on all of the responsibility to one of your siblings or child. The 29-year-old is getting burned by her parents, and she’s facing roadblocks that will impact her finances.

The Redditor should explain to her mom that she won’t take care of her if the mother won’t help with taking care of the grandmother. The mother shouldn’t expect to receive the amount of care the grandmother is receiving since the other doesn’t want to help at all. This warning can put the mother in line and result in her helping a little, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

Get Help

Full-time caregiving is a massive responsibility, and you shouldn’t do it alone. Having a professional help out at least one day per week can give you some breathing room. Even having a professional take care of your grandmother once per month can offer some reprieve if that’s all your finances allow for. It’s good to speak with a financial advisor if you can to gauge how much you can afford while keeping an eye on your long-term financial goals.

It’s not easy to take care of an aging parent. Seek reliable help anywhere you can find it. Some neighbors may be willing to help during emergencies, and it’s good to let trustworthy people know about the situation.