Personal Finance

I'm in my 20s and have been saving like crazy and my mom is pressuring me to get access to my savings account - should I give in?

Christy Bieber

Published: January 23, 2025 1:16 pm

Does your mother deserve access to your savings account when you are an adult?

A Reddit user has posed this question recently. She’s 24 years old and has been working since she was 18. Through diligent savings, she has built up both an emergency fund and a home down payment account. The problem is, her parents are now pressuring her to provide them with access to the account.

So, should the original poster (OP) give in and let her mother have the ability to draw down her account or should the OP keep her banking details private?

How much do you owe your family when it comes to your finances?

To better understand the issue the OP is facing, let’s take a look at her situation in more detail.

The Redditor says that her parents always knew she was good with money, but her mother is now asking for direct access to the OP’s savings account. Her mom wants to be able to access the account because her family has struggled with unexpected costs lately, including medical care for the OP’s brother. 

The OP said she has been happy to help out in the past, including paying some household bills, buying school supplies for her brother, and paying for groceries. She even made clear to her mom that if a future financial disaster happens, she’d be willing to offer some funds. But, her mother isn’t satisfied with this and wants direct access to the bank account because he claims she needs it in case of unexpected expenses. 

When the OP refused to provide her bank details, her mother got upset, said the OP didn’t trust her, and claimed the OP was being selfish. The OP’s older sister also sided with their mom, saying “What’s the point of saving if you’re not going to help your family?” This has left the OP feeling torn and wondering if she should do more to help — including handing over the account details — or if she’s right to say no and stand firm in insisting that her money is her own. 

You need to put your own financial stability first

There are some situations where the decision of whether to help family members out financially isn’t a very clear-cut choice. If your parents are facing an immediate emergency, for example, and can’t afford crucial medical care but you have the money to offer it, then there’s an argument to be made that helping may be the right thing to do.

This situation is not one of those grey areas where your decision on whether to help could go either way. As a full-grown adult, you should not give your mother your bank account details in these circumstances or most circumstances. Your account is your own account and you most likely need that money to start breaking free from the toxic money habits you have clearly grown up with.

In this scenario, your mom doesn’t even have an actual emergency or pressing need — she’s just asking for access to what you worked for without any justification. It’s wrong, and your mother should be supporting you in your financial journey rather than trying to effectively steal from you.

If your mom genuinely wants help, you can offer to assist her in other ways. You could say you’re willing to help her make a budget and set up a plan to create an emergency fund of her own. You could even help her sign up for government benefits she might be able to get, like Medicaid for your brother if he has serious health issues.

If your mom turns down these efforts, that’s on her– and you can walk away in good conscious while keeping your bank details private as there’s no reason to squander hard-earned funds to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.