Personal Finance

We're in our mid 40s and have been retired for a decade - why do we still feel guilty when we spend money?

Christy Bieber

Published: January 31, 2025 8:50 am

For many people, especially those focused on retiring at a young age, life is about being frugal to save up as much money as possible. Unfortunately, after achieving your goals and becoming rich, it can be very hard to shift this mindset and go into consumption mode.

This is an issue a Reddit user is currently dealing with.

The Redditor is married and he and his spouse are in their mid-40s and early 50s. They have been retired for almost 10 years and they have a net worth of $15 million. However, the original poster (OP) grew up poor and he now has trouble spending money. The couple is spending only 1.5% of their balance each year, and he says he stays in cheap hotels his wife hates when he travels and worries about whether he should make $10 or $20 purchases. 

The OP wants to know what to do to get over his guilt and give himself permission to spend. To help him out, here are some tips. 

How to overcome a fear of spending money when you’re rich

While many people would love to have the OP’s problem, the reality is that money habits are often deeply engrained in childhood and can be very difficult to break. This is especially true in the OP’s case because not only did he grow up poor, but he also likely spent much of his working life aiming for financial independence by saving up a large sum at a young age. 

It’s easy to say he should just start spending money without worrying about it since he obviously has enough, but you can’t just change a lifetime of behaviors on a whim. He will need to shift his entire mindset and abandon long-held beliefs about trying to find the best value for every dollar. This is going to take a lot of effort and a good amount of practice.

Getting professional help may also be in order. The OP could work with a financial advisor to understand what he should be spending. For example, he may want to adopt a 3.7% withdrawal rate, rather than the 1.5% of his portfolio he is currently spending. That’s widely viewed as a pretty safe amount to take out of your accounts while ensuring the money lasts.

If the OP gets professional advice that helps him to see how much he can comfortably spend, he can make a commitment to try to hit that target — and to find purchases that excite him in order to do it. Seeing a therapist to get to the root of his fears about money and his focus on frugality could also be helpful. A therapist could help him recognize and overcome the obstacles holding him back from spending freely and actually being able to enjoy the wealth he worked for. 

Find ways to spend while still staying true to yourself

The other thing the OP should consider doing is finding ways to spend money that he actually does enjoy. Maybe he’s never going to want to splurge on a hotel because that’s not important to him. But he should take the time to think about what would make him happy. Maybe that’s giving to a charity or driving a fancy car or being able to fly business class on trips.

By making a conscious effort to decide there are some things that are worth splurging on, the OP could begin to shift his mindset so he’s not just focused on keeping things as cheap as possible. If he can do this and enjoy his spending in some areas, this could be the first step towards a broader life view that enables him to spend more freely and with greater joy.