Personal Finance

I'm afraid I've raised 3 spoiled brats that are used to cars, theatres, game room, and chefs and now won't enjoy college

Maurie Backman

Published: February 13, 2025 7:38 am

As parents, it’s natural to want to give our children everything. And I’d be lying if I said I was good at saying no to my kids.

Often, I’ll say yes to things out of guilt, or out of a simple desire to make my children happy — even when a big part of my brain tells me I should be saying no.

To be fair, though, the things my kids tend to ask for are usually pretty reasonable. Sometimes it’s an extra serving of chips or one more cookie. Other times, it’s to go to a friend’s house on a night when I’m busy. And when my kids do ask for fancy gadgets and things of that nature, I have no problem saying no.

But some kids grow up truly privileged. Their parents have help at home so they don’t have to do many chores (whereas my kids all have to help out around the house), and they have access to amenities like a car and a home theater for entertainment. And for kids in this boat, college can be a huge shock.

That’s what this Reddit poster is worried about. They know their kids have it good now, and they’re worried that their children will be miserable at college without all of the amenities they get to enjoy at home.

I can see where the poster is coming from. But I also think that if they set clear expectations, things might go more smoothly than expected.

When your kids need a reality check

It’s easy to get used to a certain lifestyle only to have to downgrade to some degree during college. Let’s face it — even the fanciest school dorm rooms tend to be cramped, and it’s not always an easy thing to share your space.

There’s also the work involved in being an independent adult. When you’re away at college, you can’t turn to your parents to fold your laundry or keep your floors clean. That’s on you. So if you’re worried your kids will struggle with tasks like those, the time to give them a reality check is before they go away.

And don’t just wait until a month or so before they’re set to leave for college. I’d suggest that throughout their senior year of high school, you make them tackle certain chores themselves — even if you can afford to pay someone to do that work instead.

It’s also important to let your kids know what to expect out of the college experience. If they go in expecting access to world-class gym equipment and fine food, they’re probably going to be disappointed. If you explain that their campus gym may not have more than a treadmill and that their dining hall food may not be much to write home about, they’ll at least know what they’re getting into.

Make sure your kids don’t botch their finances once they’re on their own

If your kids are used to having parents who pay for everything, college might also be a financial shock if you’re planning to give them a limited allowance. It’s a good idea to be clear with your kids about how much money they’ll have access to during their studies. If they’re not happy with it, they can always go out and get jobs.

To be clear, my plan is to try to pay tuition for my kids. But if they want extra spending money in college, I expect them to work and earn it.

That said, if your kids have never had to budget before, you shouldn’t expect them to just wing it. Show them how to budget and manage their money, and warn them about not getting into credit card debt.

You may also want to have your children meet with a financial advisor. They may not have many assets of their own to manage when they’re just teenagers. But an advisor can give them guidance on how to make smart financial decisions early on. And then, once they begin working and have money to invest, an advisor can help set up a portfolio that works for them.