Personal Finance

One of our kids is rich, the other isn't - how should we divide our estate so its fair?

Christy Bieber

Published: February 27, 2025 9:00 am

Estate planning can be very complicated, especially when you have two children who have unequal levels of wealth. A Reddit user with a $6 to $7 million net worth is currently trying to determine how best to divide up an inheritance among his two kids when he passes away and he’s not sure how to proceed because one of his children is on pace to have $5 million by age 30 and another is not likely to ever achieve that level of wealth.

The Redditor was considering splitting his wealth 60/40 with most of the money going to the child who isn’t already rich. His wife suggested an even bigger split, such as sharing the money 70/30. However, the poster isn’t sure if that’s a fair distribution of wealth –and he did comment that he’s not a huge fan of the way his rich child came into money since that child didn’t work for it but just got lucky.

So, what should the Redditor do when dividing up his estate?

Is an unequal distribution of assets fair when kids have different levels of financial security?

Many of the replies to the Reddit thread suggested that the Reddit user should split the money 50/50 in order to avoid creating resentment between his kids. That seems, on the surface, like the best and the fairest approach. There is also another option though — the Redditor could talk to his wealither son and see what he thinks is appropriate.

There’s very little reason not to discuss estate planning with your kids and, in fact, there is ample reason to have these conversations while you are alive. If you are able to have discussions, you can make sure that your kids understand your decisions and they can have some input as well.

In this scenario, there’s no way of knowing whether the kid who is already richer might want his parents to help out his sibling more — especially since he apparently came into money without having to work for it, so he may feel like he got a windfall already. The parents could tell the wealthier child that they are planning on defaulting to a 50/50 shared split unless that child says otherwise. That way, the parents avoid any accusation of favoritism or potential resentment, but also potentially get the chance to help out the child who needs the money the most.

There are lots of ways to help out your kids — and to structure an inheritance

The parents in this scenario also have other options as well.

For one thing, they could decide to provide some financial gifts while they are still alive. They could offer these gifts to either both children or to the one who has less wealth, as it may be more beneficial to help that child out now as he is building his life rather than to make him wait potentially decades for an inheritance. Some people do choose early inheritance for that reason, and it may not be a problem for the parents to provide a little extra gift here or there while they are alive to the child without all the money if they dole out gifts infrequently over time rather than all at once with a large lump sum. 

Family situations may also change over time. For example, if either of their children has grandchildren, the parents may decide they want to leave most or all of their estate to the grandkids instead. 

The family may also benefit from working with a financial advisor to decide on the best course of action since a lot of money is at stake. An advisor can offer them professional advice on the best way to structure an inheritance to build the legacy they hope to leave behind.