Personal Finance

I'm about to inherit a windfall, but my wife won’t let me decide how to use it - what should I do?

David Beren

Published: March 2, 2025 10:17 am

One of the biggest challenges anyone can face financially is how to handle an inheritance in the best possible way. Regardless of the amount, any inheritance is usually life changing in some meaningful way. This is true whether it’s enough to pay off some small debts or a large amount that can change your life. 

In the case of one Redditor posting in r/Marriage, there is a big question about what to do with an upcoming inheritance. According to the Redditor, a “significant sum” is already being accounted for by their spouse, who isn’t giving the Redditor a lot of say in the matter. 

This is a thorny issue that the couple needs to discuss as a team to devise a plan that works best for everyone. 

The Money

We know from this Redditor that this “significant sum” will be arriving sometime in the future, so the Redditor doesn’t have control over it yet. Unfortunately, we don’t know the amount, but we can safely assume it’s life-changing based on the word “significant” being used. 

However, things are getting a little questionable because the wife had inherited money in the past, and when this happened, the wife didn’t give her husband a say in anything. At the time, the Redditor didn’t seem concerned about this matter as he assumed this was okay since it was his wife’s money and he didn’t want to dictate how she should spend the money she received. 

Unfortunately, now that the Redditor is looking to inherit, there appears to be a double standard as the wife doesn’t want to give him much of a say. The Redditor says she wants an “equal say,” but we all know this means she wants control, something the Redditor fully admits in his post. 

The good news is that this Redditor doesn’t appear to be wasteful. Instead, he wants to help establish trusts for the children, including his stepdaughter. In other words, he wants to be smart with the money, and there is a concern that the wife won’t allow such things. 

Next Steps

It appears the actual question the Redditor is worried about here is a double standard and maybe not so much about the money. Of course, there are a lot of pseudo-warriors in the comment section indicating that as long as the money isn’t placed in a shared account when it’s received, the money is his to do with as he pleases. 

I think the real issue here isn’t the money but communicating with the wife about this matter before she gets carried away. There appears to be a breakdown in communication between the couple about what to do with this money, which needs to be solved before any cash arrives. 

The Redditor indicates that his wife’s inheritance was only about $10,000 – $15,000 and that she spent it all reasonably. As a result, this individual is an adult and needs to talk with his spouse about their finances honestly. His wife is welcome to give her opinions on how the money should be spent, and there is no doubt that some compromises can be made, especially if any extravagant or significant purchases are likely to happen. 

The Children

I think it’s admirable that the Redditor wants to inherit money and provide for the children as he indicates they don’t need the money. It’s a little bit of a flag that the children are in their 30s and 40s, have professional jobs and advanced degrees, and are already good with money, but he feels they need it. 

As it’s not my job or that of the Reddit comment section to decide what this couple’s children need, the focus is on any evidence pointing to his concern about a double standard based on the information he provides. For this reason, I return to the idea that this couple needs to talk more about the money and find a solution. 

If they try to wait until the money arrives and sweep this under the rug until then, it will lead to explosive conversations that will likely lead to a bad situation.