50 Things Only People Raised in a Latino Family Will Understand

1. Family members call you mean names because they love you.

2. Your abuela thinks Vicks VapoRub cures literally everything.

3. Dinner with extended family goes until 3 am and includes dancing.

4. No home is complete without Jesus candles.

5. It’s normal to have four middle names.

6. There’s always a room full of nice furniture that you’re not allowed to sit on.

7. You’re not sure how many cousins you actually have…could be 50, could be 100.

8. You wish you could get paid for every time you had to translate a conversation between your Spanish-speaking abuelito and your English-speaking nephew.

9. You’ve experienced extreme carpooling.

10. Your abuela simultaneously force-feeds you and tells you you’re fat.

11. If you lose weight, your abuela thinks you’re sick.

12. You absolutely must cheek kiss every person at the party.

13. Everyone in the family goes by a silly nickname. Your cousins are Chichi, Lala, and Chango.

14. It’s a full time job translating Spanish radio hits for all your friends at school.

15. When you stay home sick, your mom makes you clean the house while she watches Telemundo.

16. You’ve known how to salsa and bachata since you could walk.

17. You’re scared to leave the house with wet hair because your mom convinced you that el aire would kill you.

18. You learned about love from telenovelas and will forever have unrealistic expectations.

19. Getting everyone into place for family photos requires extreme dedication.

20. Your newborn cousin already has a gold necklace and pierced ears.

21. Avoid the kitchen or you’ll be roped into menial labor.

22. Your extended family will “stop by” for the entire weekend.

23. There are always more children than you remember.

24. You got a black eye from el bolo at your cousin’s baptism.

25. There’s plastic over all the couches and the tablecloth.

26. When your mom pulls off la chancleta, it’s time to run.

27. You have to make the sign of the cross when you walk by a church.

28. Your friends think you eat tacos every night.

29. Your cousin’s quinceanera cost more than your first year of college.

30. You’re not sure who’s actually your blood relative because everyone is a tia, tio, or primo.

31. Your tias never fail to ask when you’re going to get married and have kids.

32. You let your mom straighten your hair with the clothes iron.

33. You have serious birthday trauma from everyone trying to shove your face into the cake.

34. Why buy trash bags for the bathroom when you can reuse a grocery bag?

35. When your parents say you’re leaving the party, it means they’re going to take the next two hours to say goodbyes, and then you can leave.

36. People are constantly telling you to stop yelling, when you think you’re speaking normally.

37. When it’s time to find a job, all your tias try to network for you.

38. There’s always that one tio who tries to force you to drink with him.

39. Personal space does not exist at family gatherings.

40. You never need to hire a mechanic, thanks to your dad’s connections.

41. Even 12-year-olds can have red wine with dinner.

42. If a party starts at 6 o’clock, your family shows up at 9 o’clock.

43. You’ve been asked multiple times if you “speak Mexican.”

44. Christmas is a very big deal, and it’s celebrated at midnight on Christmas eve. Who waits until morning to open presents?

45. You’re never old enough to disobey your parents — even if you’re 50.

46. You’re constantly translating for your parents and their friends.

47. You were never allowed to go to sleepovers.

48. It’s normal to water down dish soap to make it last longer.

49. Never trust that a cookie tin or butter container actually contains what it says.

50. You get excited when you meet someone else who speaks Spanish.