For at least one day of the year, Thanksgiving, we are all gourmands. It’s impossible to resist the splendid assortment of mashed potatoes, asparagus, cranberry sauce, stuffing, candied yams, green bean casserole, roasted Brussels sprouts, and of course, turkey. The main course is followed by a parade of pies and cakes, all washed down with copious amounts of soft drinks, wine and beer.
Today’s Thanksgiving bears little resemblance to the first such feast celebrated nearly 400 years ago, in Plymouth, Massachusetts. As every American schoolchild knows, the Puritans gave thanks for their deliverance from want with their new Native American allies, the Wampanoag people, who kicked up the repast a notch by bringing slain deer to the feast. The Wampanoag people also gave Massachusetts its name, meaning “by the range of hills” — these are all the states with a Native American name.
The Wampanoag people set an example for what guests should do when they are invited to a Thanksgiving meal. 24/7 Tempo has compiled a list of big mistakes Thanksgiving guests often make. We created our list using material from sources such as Food & Wine magazine as well as resources such as history.com.
Enjoying the eating and drinking and revelry does not excuse guests from boorish behavior, be it overindulging in food, crossing swords with others over testy topics in conversation, or spending too much time on a cell phone. Good manners should not take a holiday. Here are 30 etiquette mistakes that make you look rude.
Click here to see the big mistakes Thanksgiving guests often make
1. Not RSVP-ing
If you are invited to someone’s house for Thanksgiving, make sure you extend the courtesy of responding to the invitation as soon as possible. The hosts need to know the number of people attending and how big a turkey to cook, among the sundry other things they have to do. And offer to bring a side dish or dessert.
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2. Not disclosing allergies
Another courtesy to extend to your hosts is to notify them of allergies or dietary concerns. Traditional Turkey Day foods contain allergens — some hosts add a broth to turkeys that has wheat starch — so letting your hosts know early on about your dietary needs is crucial.
3. Forgetting to say you’ve gone vegan
Your diet may have changed since you last saw your hosts and you’ve become vegan or vegetarian. You should make them aware of these changes.
4. Not offering to bring a side dish
Thanksgiving is one of the biggest meals your hosts will prepare for the year, so any offer to bring a side dish — sweet potato casserole, green beans wrapped in bacon, crispy potato snacks or Parker House rolls, for example — will be welcome.
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5. Coming empty-handed
A guest should bring something as a gesture of appreciation — a bottle of wine, a side dish, dessert or a seasonal gift like a small holiday candle — to the repast.
6. Being late
Travel during the Thanksgiving Day holiday is brutal and one of the busiest times of the year. Though this year, due to COVID-19, people are advised to stay home and celebrate with extended family virtually, more than 3 million have already traveled. So, if you’re going to travel to Thanksgiving Day dinner, be sure to allow for extra time.
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7. Coming early
Unless you’re coming ahead of time to help the hosts get ready, arriving early is bad form, especially if you show up while they are still cleaning, setting the table or preparing appetizers.
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8. Bringing unexpected guests
Many times the uninvited guest is someone who has no place to be on Thanksgiving, or college friends arriving with a hosts’ son or daughter. These situations happen, but it’s always best to tell the hosts about uninvited guests ahead of time.
9. Not offering to help in the kitchen
Most hosts don’t want guests to help out in the kitchen because, after all, they are guests. However, guests should make a good-faith effort, be it serving the food or cleaning afterward. Or even running out to the store to get beverages.
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10. Hanging out in the kitchen
Most hosts prefer that guests do not linger in the kitchen because they get in the way. And guests drinking liquor in the kitchen is not a good idea.
11. Watching football
Once you’re done eating, make sure it’s all right to retire to the couch and watch the parade of football games that are as much an American tradition on Thanksgiving as the turkey.
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12. Hogging the remote
Besides football, television networks air special programming such as parades and holiday-themed movies. Even if that appeals to you, don’t impose your tastes on others.
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13. Going online to shop
Some guests can’t wait to hit the stores on Black Friday and begin prowling for deals while shopping online Thanksgiving night. Your hosts might look askance at that. Besides, history has shown merchants will lower prices as the calendar draws closer to Christmas.
14. Talking a lot on cell phone
Spending too much time on your cell phone after dinner sends the wrong signal to your hosts. You’re there visiting them, after all. Time is better spent playing games or conversing with other guests.
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15. Talking about testy topics
Choose topics of conversation carefully, especially in this politically divisive climate. The atmosphere can become charged, particularly after a day with a lot of imbibing.
16. Drinking too much
Getting intoxicated at your own house on the holidays is gauche, but drinking too much at someone else’s home on a holiday is embarrassing.
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17. Overindulging on food
The urban legend about eating too much turkey is that it contains the amino acid L-tryptophan that increases sleep-causing serotonin and melatonin. However, turkey has about the same amount of tryptophan as other meats. What causes you to crash is eating the truckload of carbs during the meal. Most hosts are pretty understanding about guests catching some Zs after dinner, but don’t take advantage of their hospitality.
18. Dining and dashing
People drive from place to place over the holidays, visiting family and friends. Your hosts will understand if you plan to go elsewhere for dessert, but guests should let them know ahead of time, and not bolt from the table once dinner is done.
19. Overstaying welcome
Cleaning up, putting chairs and tables away, and storing leftovers is a big job. Unless the hosts have taken you up on your offer to help tidy up, don’t stay too late.
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20. Taking leftovers without asking
Between the slices of turkey meat, mounds of potatoes, trays of green beans, and platters of sugary treats, the Thanksgiving meal produces lots of leftovers. That doesn’t mean you have free rein to take whatever you desire without asking. Doing so is a near-certain guarantee you won’t be invited back.
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