Worst Classic Westerns You Can Still Stream

“The Hired Hand” was directed by Peter Fonda who also stars as Harry Collins. Collins has traveled the American Southwest for seven years and finally decides to return to his estranged family. However, his wife refuses to take him back unless he agrees to be a hired hand in the family home. As the two begin to rekindle their love, Collins’s past comes to catch up with him. The movie was a box office failure and did poorly with critics — one thought that “too much time was spent on ‘cinema trickery.'” — but has seen a resurgence in popularity.

Based on a short story of the same name by Dorothy M. Johnson, “A Man Called Horse” follows an English aristocrat who is captured by a Sioux tribe. At first the Sioux treat him viciously, but he gains some respect from them as his own respect for their culture and way of life grows. The movie was a decent success, and two sequels were eventually made. However, some critics saw it as just non-stop senseless violence, with one describing it as “a test to see how much pain its hero and the audience can take before yelling Uncle.”

“McLintock!” is a Western comedy starring John Wayne and his son Patrick Wayne. The film is loosely based on Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew,” but not quite held in the same regard. One critic simply described it as “disappointing” and another complained that it was “a fairly interminable Western.” G. W. Mclintock (John Wayne) is a mining and cattle baron living on his ranch whose wife (Maureen O’Hara) has left him because she suspects him of cheating. Meanwhile, local settlers start creating all sorts of problems for McLintock.

“Rio Grande” is the third installment in director John Ford’s “cavalry trilogy” (following “Fort Apache” and “She Wore a Yellow Ribbon”) — but unfortunately, as one critic put it, it’s “a forgettable Ford Western.” John Wayne stars as Lieutenant Colonel Kirby Yorke, who is stationed at a Texas frontier fort, protecting settlers from attacks by Apaches. Yorke’s son soon arrives as an enlisted soldier and is eager to prove himself. Shortly after, Yorke’s estranged wife also comes to the fort, to bring her underage son back east. The Lieutenant Colonel must deal with family affairs while under siege from Apache raiders.

“Angel and the Badman” is another of the many John Wayne Westerns. Wounded gunslinger Quirt Evans (John Wayne) staggers onto Quaker Thomas Worth’s farm and collapses. Evans mumbles about having to send a telegram and Worth assists him. He then helps nurse Evans back to help despite warnings from other townspeople that he’ll only bring trouble. Sure enough, trouble starts to show up. One reviewer noted simply that “It’s just not quite as exciting as an average John Wayne western usually is.”

“One-Eyed Jacks” was directed by Marlon Brando who also stars as a bank robber known as Rio. The film begins with Rio and his associates celebrating a massive score of gold when Mexican mounted police track them down. Things go bad, leaving Rio with a long prison sentence and a desire for revenge in his heart. The outlaw is able to cut down his time on the inside and sets off for vengeance and riches. According to Esquire, “‘One-Eyed Jacks’ has some very handsome photography and some competent performances, but it isn’t even a very good Western.”

The 1976 film stars Marlon Brando and Jack Nicholson and has a score composed by the legendary John Williams. However, all that talent wasn’t enough to make it a big hit. Tom Logan (Jack Nicholson) is a cattle thief seeking vengeance against David Braxton (John McLiam), a local land baron, for hanging one of his associates. Logan and his gang purchase a small property nearby as a base from which they harass Braxton and steal his cattle. Logan plants crops to keep up his cover and falls into a relationship with Braxton’s daughter, complicating his plot for vengeance. Variety said “as a film achievement it’s corned beef and ham hash.”

Burt Lancaster, another Western mainstay, stars here as marshal Jared Maddox. Drunken cowboys come and shoot up Maddox’s town of Bannock, killing one of the townspeople. Maddox is spurred to seek justice and pursues the outlaws back to their town of Sabbath. However, the local cattle baron and sheriff protect their own and Maddox is thrust into a violent conflict that has him questioning his life as a man of the law. Critic Roger Ebert said “What we’re left with is a Western with a lot of sides but no center.”

“Cowboy” is a film adaptation of Frank Harris’s semi-autobiographical novel “My Reminiscences as a Cowboy.” Harris works in a hotel in Chicago where he falls in love with Maria, the daughter of a Mexican cattle baron. Maria is whisked out of town by her father and Frank is left heartbroken. However, he soon goes into business with cattle driver Tom Reece, who has made a deal with Vidal to purchase some of his cattle down in Mexico. The inexperienced Harris joins Reece’s journey south, adapting to the harsh lifestyle and dangers on the frontier. Reel Film Reviews described it as “a fine premise” that was “employed to woefully uninvolving effect.”

Burt Lancaster stars as Joe Bass, a fur trapper on his way to sell his stock of hides. He’s held up by a band of Kiowa Indians who take his furs but give him the enslaved Joseph Lee as payment. Bass sets out to get his furs back, but the Kiowa are ambushed and killed by scalp hunters and the furs continue to trade hands, with Bass staying hot on their trail. Meanwhile, Lee plots his escape to Mexico, where slavery is illegal. One critic called it “a seriously misguided and hopelessly dated endeavor that’s best left forgotten.”

“Bite the Bullet” is a fictionalized tale of a real-life horse race that took place in 1906. An odd group of contestants enter a 700-mile race where the winner gets $2,000. As the race progresses the contestants’ bodies and resolve are put to the test along with their life philosophies. The film covers several important themes including animal cruelty, the racial situation in America, and the end of the Old West. Nonetheless, Time Out described it as a “folly stultified by its own seriousness.”

Based on a novel of the same name by Scottish author Alistair MacLean, “Breakheart Pass” follows a harrowing train journey through the snowy wilderness. Several passengers are aboard a locomotive carrying medical supplies and soldiers to a remote fort where diphtheria is running rampant. Along the way they pick up a lawman and a notorious criminal in his custody. As the journey continues, the train’s passengers begin to go missing or turn up dead. The Los Angeles Free Press said “The pity is that the level of achievement is so simplistic that boredom sets in rather quickly.”

“Young Guns” tells the story of real-life outlaw Billy the Kid during the Lincoln County War in late 1870s New Mexico. Billy is hired by cattle rancher John Tunstall to work on his ranch. Tunstall advises Billy against using violence when dealing with rival rancher Lawrence Murphy, but when Murphy’s men murder Tunstall, Billy decides to take matters into his own hands. At first, he acts within the law to try and bring the killers to justice but quickly loses his patience and turns to his guns. Time magazine simply said “a grownup could die in this wasteland.”

“The Unforgiven,” starring Burt Lancaster and Aubrey Hepburn, focuses on racism against Native Americans in the Old West. A family living on the frontier in Texas adopted a daughter, Rachel, years ago and are living happily. One day, a man appears and claims that Rachel is a Native American by birth. The accusations begin to throw the family into turmoil. Despite its seeming spotlighting of social problems, some critics were not convinced. One critic said “in reality it’s an unrepentant throwback to the ‘good old days’ when the only good Indian was a dead Indian.”

In the 1940s, somewhere in the American West, land baron Jacob Ewing is trying to buy up an entire fertile valley. The only resident who refuses to sell is Ella Connors (Jane Fonda), whose family has lived on the land for two generations. Meanwhile, oil prospectors want to explore the valley for black gold. During filming, a stuntman was killed when a horse dragging him changed course, ramming his head into a fence post. The footage of the beginning of the scene was still used in the movie, cut before the accident occurs. According to the Associated Press “the whole thing is a downer except for the stunning photography of Gordon Willis.”

“Goin’ South” is a Western comedy starring Jack Nicholson as subpar outlaw Henry Moon. Moon is scheduled to be hanged for his crimes, but a loophole exists that allows criminals to walk free if a woman will marry them and set the convict straight. Julia Tate agrees to wed Moon, but has other plans in store once he’s free. Meanwhile, a local sheriff’s deputy (played by Christopher Lloyd; another deputy is John Belushi) grows jealous of their marriage. A critic at the Washington Post was not impressed and said “‘Goin’ South’ is the most flat-footed comedy to collapse on the screen since Nickelodeon.”

“The Apple Dumpling Gang” is a Disney Western comedy, based on a 1971 book of the same name by Jack Bickham. In 1879, a degenerate gambler is tricked into taking in a group of hooligan orphans in a mining town somewhere in the Old West. The gambler’s bad fortune turns around when the group stumbles upon gold. Roger Ebert dismantled the film, saying “Every time I see one of these antiseptic Disney films, I’m reminded of the thrills and genuine artistry that went into the studio’s films during its golden age in the 1940s and 1950s.”

This film stars Burt Lancaster as an “unconquerable” Apache named Massai. Following the surrender of Geronimo, Massai, the last of the Apache warriors, is being transported to a reservation in Florida. He decides to escape and heads home in search of his one true love and a place where he can live free. Matt Brunson at Film Frenzy cited too many “abrupt shifts in both message and characterization” as one of the film’s biggest flaws.

Based on the play “Indians” by Arthur Kopit, “Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull’s History Lesson” takes aim at the American historical myth that white men valiantly won over West from violent savages. Famous Lakota chief Sitting Bull arrives to guest star in Buffalo Bill’s Wild West show but instead of being a barbarian he is noble and heroic and tries to set the historical record straight. The film got mixed reviews from critics and was poorly received by audiences in the year the United States was celebrating its bicentennial. One critic simply said “the intention is better than the end product.”

“From Noon Till Three” is a Western comedy starring Charles Bronson and his wife, Jill Ireland. Graham Dorsey (Bronson) is a bank robber who has visions of a planned robbery going horribly wrong. On the way to the robbery his horse gives out and the gang stops at a widow’s ranch. Eventually, Dorsey’s men go out to find another horse and leave him alone with Amanda Starbuck (Ireland). The two wind up in a strange relationship. One critic wrote the film off as “a laughable piece of idiocy.”

Wealthy cattle baron Brandt Ruger (Gene Hackman) sets out on a hunting trip with his friends, leaving his wife Melissa alone somewhere in the Old West. An outlaw named Frank Calder and his gang kidnap Melissa, believing her to be a schoolteacher, because Calder is looking for someone to teach him to read. Meanwhile, Ruger gets word that his wife has been abducted and sets out with his posse on a trip to rescue her and hunt down the men responsible. TV Guide described the film as “a very poor British attempt to imitate an Italian western by shooting it in Spain and splattering blood all over the countryside.”

“Posse” follows a group of black soldiers, along with one white one, who are betrayed by their commanding officer during the Spanish-American War. Sent on a mission in Cuba to hijack a Spanish gold shipment, they discover that all is not as it seems. After a dustup, they escape to New Orleans and then head West with the treasure. According to the Associated Press a film that “could have been a moving and gripping tribute to black Western heroes — and a testament against bigotry and injustice — ends up with laughs in all the wrong places.”

“All the Pretty Horses” is a critically acclaimed novel by Cormack McCarthy. However, its transition to the big screen did not go well. Matt Damon and Penelope Cruz star in this Western thriller set in 1949, directed by actor Billy Bob Thornton. John Grady Cole (Damon) is left homeless after his mother sells the family ranch in Texas. The drifter decides to head down to Mexico with a friend where romance and danger await. One critic simply summed it up saying “I’m a fan of all involved, but this is a really tough watch.”

“The White Buffalo,” starring Charles Bronson, is the rare fantasy Western. Wild Bill Hickok (Bronson) is haunted by dreams of a massive white buffalo and travels west to find it. Along the way he encounters famed Lakota chief Crazy Horse. Crazy Horse is also looking for the great white buffalo, which supposedly killed his daughter. The two team up on their quest to find the mythical beast. It was described by one reviewer as “Jaws goes Old West,” which wasn’t meant as a compliment.

“The Magnificent Seven” is considered a Western classic and has been selected for the U.S. National Film Registry under the Library of Congress. With this sequel, which premiered six years after the first film with most of its original all-star cast, the apple fell far from the tree. In this one, Chico, one of the original seven, is captured in the desert by a large group of gunmen. His wife reaches out to his old compatriots for help, leading them to reunite in their quest to save their former partner. One critic called it “another worthless and useless sequel.”