My family complains that we don’t spend enough money, but I want to retire early. Should I stop saving so much and start spending more?

A Reddit poster commented recently on a dilemma he’s facing. The poster has a $3.6 million net worth, including $3.1 million in investable assets not including his primary residence. His target number which makes early retirement possible, is $3.75 million so he is just a few years away from hitting his goal. 

The problem is, the poster’s family feels like they are too focused on saving and not enough on spending. His wife complains their home isn’t good enough and that they don’t get takeout enough. His kids comment that others with nicer houses must be rich.

Despite the fact the Redditor says his family takes multiple annual vacations, eats out a few times weekly, and goes to concerts, he’s worried his loved ones may have a point. He now says he’s torn between easing up on the saving or sticking to the plan to try to hit his goal number soon, which he thinks will vindicate his efforts. 

Getting on the same page with family is critical 

While the poster may find it frustrating to be so close to his goal and forced to grapple with these issues, the reality is that since he is married, his goals alone are not the only things that matter. If his wife isn’t satisfied with the couple’s current financial situation, her opinion is worth listening to.

Married couples are in a partnership with each other, and they have to make decisions that make both partners happy. Of course, this doesn’t mean they should go on a spending spree if doing so would mean ending up in debt or not saving for retirement at all. But, that’s not the situation here. The Redditor has millions already at 51 and he’s just a few years away from his goal. Easing up on his savings a bit to make his wife a little happier isn’t going to send him to the poor house.

The best course of action for the couple would likely be to discuss both of their priorities and the tradeoffs they make and find a compromise that works for the two of them. This may mean working with a financial advisor to be able to better balance their different objectives.

If the poster is truly convinced early retirement is best for both of them, then he can make his case during the conversation to try to convince his wife. However, if she still wants a little more financial freedom now rather than just sacrificing for later, then that shouldn’t be off the table either. 

There’s trade-offs to be made, but it’s important to act for the right reasons

While the wife might be frustrated now by the sacrifices the family is making, she could very well end up happier later on when they achieve their target number and can retire while their friends are still working. But, this may not be the case. Some people would rather retire a little bit later to have a more lavish lifestyle during their working years. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that, as long as they aren’t being unreasonable — but they do need to act for the right reasons.

The poster said his wife compares their life to her friends who have bigger houses and eat takeout more. If that’s true, she should take the time to really think about whether those are things she personally would value more than early retirement or whether she’s just feeling a little bit of pressure to keep up with the Joneses. If an upgraded lifestyle would truly make her happy enough to put off retirement a bit, that’s a much better reason to make a change than if she’s just mad her friends spend more lavishly. 

By having an open discussion, carefully weighing the pros and cons of saving versus spending, and finding a solution that makes sense for both spouses, the Reddit user and his wife can perhaps end up with a better, more balanced life — and put an end to the resentful comments the wife is making that caused the poster to question his course of action in the first place.