Personal Finance

Dave Ramsey tells a confused 29-year-old that paying this $3,000 mortgage is "dysfunctional crap"

Joey Frenette

Published: March 8, 2025 11:56 am

Every so often, a bizarre and peculiar financial situation comes up on the Dave Ramsey show. In this piece, I’ll chime in on perhaps one of the strangest cases I’ve come across involving a 29-year-old that’s paying their parent’s $3,000 per month mortgage. Indeed, if they owned their own home as an early retiree (perhaps a member of the “chubby” or “fat” FIRE movement), it’d be an entirely different story. In such a case, it’d be a very generous and acceptable thing to do.

However, the 29-year-old doesn’t quite have their own financial affairs in order. In fact, they appear to be sacrificing their own financial wellbeing and retirement savings to pay their parents’ bills, which they should probably be able to cover themselves.

Indeed, putting one’s parents fist is a selfless thing to do, but if it costs at the cost of one’s own financial wellbeing, there’s definitely some “dysfunctional crap” going on, as Ramsey remarked.

Paying the parents’ mortgage while they retire in comfort? Something seems off.

When it comes to finances and retirement, I believe putting your oxygen mask on first before assisting others applies. And given the 29-year-old has only started their financial journey, I’d argue that helping the parents pay the bills could run the serious risk of setting them behind the curve.

All the while, Ramsey sees the Millennial as “enabling” some pretty financially irresponsible behavior. I couldn’t agree more. Personally, I think one of the individuals’ parents has no business retiring from being a teacher in their early 60s.

In essence, they’re relying on an adult child that should be going off on his own. Sure, it can be incredibly hard to say no to a parent in need. However, it’s important to set boundaries based on your ability to help.

Furthermore, if a parent wants you to finance their retirement and pay their bills on your expense, you could be giving up your own future. Indeed, it’s a very strange situation that may need a family therapist more than a financial advisor. In any case, Ramsey is right on the money when he encourages the individual to set clear boundaries.

It’s all about setting the right financial priorities

Fortunately, this individual doesn’t have a partner and kids. Otherwise, their priorities would appear to be even more backward. Even without a partner and kids of their own, I still think it makes little sense to pay the parents’ bills at such a pivotal point in one’s financial journey.

Arguably, the individual should be saving up for a down payment on their own home, chippy away at their debts or investing their nest egg for a rich or early retirement. The big question is whether their parents’ “early” retirement had anything to do with their child paying their mortgage bills. Personally, I think the 29-year-old should encourage their parent to get back to work and pay their own mortgage. Though such a confrontation is always easier said than done!

As Millennials begin to approach the so-called “sandwich generation,” with aging parents that may need financial support and children that are already costing a great deal, the bills can really stack up. As such, it’s vital to have one’s priorities in order. Does that mean not assisting a parent if they’re about to default on a mortgage?

Of course not! However, it does mean ensuring that you’re not turning into some sort of bank that can be relied upon as a source of cash flows in bad times and good.

You’ve probably heard of the “bank of mom and dad,” which makes a heck of a lot more sense than the “bank of one’s child,” (is that even a term?) especially if the parents are doing a heck of a lot better than the adult child. In the case of the Ramsey caller, the 29-year-old isn’t nearly as well-off as their parents, one of whom is retired relatively young to retire (early 60s?).

The bottom line

At the end of the day, lending a loving hand to help out financially can make sense in some situations. However, one should understand the risks of delaying one’s own financial goals and ensure they’re not being taken advantage of by a parent who thinks they’re “owed.”