I value money more than my friends. Here’s the impact

A Reddit user has found himself in a difficult position. His friends are not as financially responsible as he is, and they often don’t make the right money decisions. As a result, he regularly finds himself in a position where other people in his life need help with their finances and turn to him for a handout — or where his friends try to convince him to make unwise choices with his own finances. Unsurprisingly, this leads to conflict.

The big question is, what should the poster do to deal with this difficult situation, which is a source of frustration and which could affect his financial success if people keep pushing him to make bad choices or to loan them money they don’t end up repaying. 

Loaning money to friends should often be a hard boundary

Most other Redditors were very clear in their response to the original poster (OP). The uniform consensus seemed to be that the OP should stop enabling his friends and should not loan them any more money.

This advice is very good advice. The sad reality is that loaning money to friends almost never works out well, and it can lead to disaster in many different ways. Giving your friends a loan can breed resentment if they don’t pay it back. They could also start to feel beholden to you, which changes the nature of the relationship. Even if they do pay back the money, it could also create conflict along the way and change how you each see each other since you are no longer just friends but have a business or transactional relationship. 

If you have friends who are truly in a bad financial situation through no fault of their own, and if you have money to spare, you may decide that you do want to help out. In that case, though, it is better to make a gift than a loan, so you don’t set up expectations of payback and then get upset and disappointed when they don’t pan out. Just make sure you are only giving an amount that you can afford. 

What to do when your friends have different values about money? 

The first issue that the OP was facing is the problem of whether to lend money to friends. There’s also another area of concern. His friends do not place the same value on fiscal responsibility. This can be a challenging problem to solve.

Ideally, money would never come up when you are out with friends, but that’s often not the reality. Your friends may pressure you to spend on things that you shouldn’t, may be offended or upset if you don’t mirror their own habits, or may become resentful if you appear to be wealthier than they are. This doesn’t always happen when people have different life philosophies surrounding money, but it often does.

If you find yourself at odds with the people you are spending time with and don’t think they are leading you down the right path, the reality is that you do not have to keep spending a lot of time with them, and you can limit your interactions to circumstances where money is less likely to become a source of conflict.

For example, instead of inviting them to your large house if you know they make comments on it, or instead of going to the bar with them if you know they’ll pressure you to spend too much on drinks, arrange to meet for a walk or a movie or some other activity where these issues won’t come up.

It’s also worth remembering that the people you spend your life with will shape your life. If being financially responsible and building wealth is important to you, find some friends who share that attitude. 

Of course, you still want to be able to have fun, so work on setting a budget that allows you to spend an amount you are comfortable with on social activities. A financial advisor can help you to do that, so you ensure you find the right balance between frugality and living an enjoyable life on your path to financial success.