My wife and I are in our 50s and want to relocate for retirement. Will we miss out on our kids’ lives?

When it comes to growing older, one thing that parents always hope to do is to stay near their children. Whether for grandchildren or to see the kids on holidays, even as children grow older, there is always the hope that families will stay physically and figuratively close. 

However, in some cases, as is the situation with this Redditor posting in r/retirement, what happens when the parents want to move away? This Redditor and his wife are looking to retire when they turn 60 and want to relocate to an active adult community two hours away from their (mostly adult) children. 

I enjoyed this post because it’s a common situation and something I might have to consider with my spouse one day. 

The Parent’s Wish

What’s not surprising about this Redditor and his situation is that it’s not uncommon for someone approaching retirement age to consider relocating. Whether to downsize, cut costs, or for better weather, relocating when retired is common. 

In this particular situation, we have a Redditor and his wife, who are currently in their 50s thinking about retiring by the time they turn 60. They have been actively discussing moving to an adult retirement community near the coast of wherever they live. He points out that the couple has always wanted to be closer to the ocean. 

However, where the couple is struggling is with the kids and being physically close to them. Their oldest child is already independently out of the house and working, while the second will be in the same situation soon. Their third child will be done with college before the couple turns 60, so the hope is that this child will also be moved out. 

The relocation would take the couple about two hours away, which they fear would prevent them from seeing their children begin their own families. So, what is this couple to do?

The Reality of the Situation 

As many commenters in this Reddit post point out, this individual must recognize that parents should not hinder their plans based on their children. The reality of this entire situation is that there is a better-than-good chance the adult children will move away at some point. 

Whether it’s for a job, a spouse, or just a desire to move, there are any number of scenarios in which this Redditor could stay put only to have the rest of the family move away. 

To be honest, in my opinion, a move two hours away doesn’t seem all that awful in the first place, either. Between FaceTime, Zoom, and other video calling capabilities, you can “see” family regularly. In my case, my in-laws used to live down the street, and we still only saw them once or twice a month, so it’s not to say that proximity forces the family to be close. In other words, you won’t miss out on much if you still try to stay in touch using technology. 

One comment best describes a two-hour drive as a “cozy distance” in that it creates enough separation to help the Redditor live the life he and his wife want while being close enough to see the family whenever they want to take the drive. 

A lot will also depend on overall health as the Redditor gets older, and if the kids stay in place, visiting over this distance will get more complicated and complex for both parties. While the hope is this may be a far way off, it does lend consideration to the possibility that they could start missing out on things as they get older. The hope is that this won’t be the first years of a grandchild’s life, but it could mean missing things in the teen years and as they get older. 

Caught Between A Rock and Hard Place

The bottom line is that this Redditor is caught between a rock and a hard place. If they stay put and the children move away, they will regret staying in place. They could also regret not moving for a better retirement life if they remain in place. Ultimately, moving does mean potentially missing out on some aspects of their children growing older, so there is no question this is a risk.

However, given the rise of technology, it doesn’t have to mean they are missing enough to feel out of touch. Unfortunately, there is no correct answer here. Instead, it’s a decision that revolves around determining the lesser of two potentially bad situations.