My husband finally makes $975k a year but he won’t let me quit my job and I’m stumped

Recently, a caller to the Dave Ramsey Show left Ramsey flabbergasted. The caller has been married a year and a half, is having a baby, and wants to become a stay-at-home mom. The problem is, her husband wants her to work. 

Now, this might be a reasonable request, but what had Ramsey so surprised was that her departure from work would not cause financial hardship for the family. The caller explained that her husband makes $975,000 per year, while she was making $90K. While that $90,000 is a good income, it’s obviously a drop in the bucket compared to a salary of almost $1 million. 

Because her husband makes so much money, Ramsey did not understand why he would not want his wife to stay home — and the caller did not appear to either. The big question here is what exactly to do in this situation. 

How to cope when your partner isn’t on the same page financially

The best time to get on the same page about whether one spouse should stay home with the kids is before getting married, and definitely before getting pregnant. It’s essential to have conversations about money and family values early on so that you don’t end up in a situation exactly like this one.

Unfortunately, it’s too late for the caller and her husband to do this since they are already married and a child is on the way.

Now, the couple is going to have to find a compromise solution since they are at odds.  Ramsey suggested that she speak to her husband and make a very simple point. He urged her to turn off the TV, turn off his phone, put the baby on his lap, and ask him what could be more important than that. He also urged her to recognize the amazing contributions that mothers make in society and not be plagued by mom guilt. 

All of this could potentially work, but it also may not. The caller explained that her husband’s mom worked three jobs and that she thinks her husband is concerned that she won’t ever return to work and isn’t happy about that possibility. This suggests a fundamental disconnect that may not be solved with a simple conversation. 

The caller will need to get to the root of her husband’s fears about her staying home. For example, she should find out if he’s afraid of being the only breadwinner, or if he’s worried that she’ll lose a part of her personality once she is no longer in the working world. By having an open and honest conversation about why he doesn’t want her to stay home, perhaps she will be able to address those worries and make him feel better about the situation.

What if the couple can’t agree?

It the caller and her husband can’t agree, this suggests big future problems. If the wife is forced back to work when there is no financial need, she could find herself feeling resentful. If her husband is forced to support a stay-at-home mom when he doesn’t want to, this could create a lot of ongoing conflict.

Ultimately, in this situation, the couple may benefit from the advice of both a therapist and a financial advisor who can help them chart a course forward that can keep both their marriage and their finances intact.