My wife wants to buy a $3 million vacation home but I’m nervous – should I be?

A couple on Reddit was trying to decide if they should purchase a vacation rental three hours away that costs $3 million. The author who is a 50-year-old male is having an argument with his 48-year-old wife. The couple has three children in high school, and the family loves to travel and go on vacations.

The author’s wife says that it makes sense to buy this second home because the family would use it regularly. The author is having nightmares about how much the upkeep and maintenance of such a home would cost. He is also hesitant about purchasing it because he doesn’t want to feel obligated to only vacation at the second home. He would rather spend their money to travel to different destinations.

In the post, he states that his net worth is about $15 million counting the equity from their primary residence. He is still working at a job and makes over $1 million annually. Their “burn rate,” or negative cash flow per year is about $500,000. The author has a goal of retiring in five years.

Reaction

Vacation home.

My first reaction is that I am not in the right tax bracket to have an opinion on this Reddit post, but that’s why the internet is fun!

My second reaction is that both sides of this argument are valid. It seems that the author’s wife’s ideal vacation is going to a designated vacation home several times a year, especially one near the beach. She is probably envisioning a beach house where she can enjoy a girls’ weekend, a family vacation, or even some time alone without all the fuss of visiting a new location.  

If their marriage is like a “traditional,” Gen X marriage, then the author’s partner most likely has to deal with the full mental load of their trips; hiring a travel agent or planning the whole thing, booking hotels and excursions, making dinner reservations or planning a menu, researching the vacation destination, coordinating every member of the family’s schedules, budgeting, packing (possibly for the author, who can say), ensuring there is an activity that every family member will enjoy, booking flights, etc. Even if the author’s wife hires a travel agent for their vacations, there is still a lot of planning and approval that has to go into the front end of a vacation.

Besides the mental load, travel itself can be very stressful. Have you ever been to an airport with three humans who are sort of responsible like adults but also have underdeveloped brains and are as impulsive as toddlers? For some people, flying can be very anxiety-inducing.

If the author’s wife carries the brunt of this mental load, I can completely see why one vacation house in one location would be appealing because the mental load would gradually decrease each time they go. Their routine will become streamlined, family members will know exactly how to pack, they will know exactly what they need to hire out and what they want to do themselves, etc.

If, like most men in a patriarchal culture and society, the author doesn’t realize how heavy the mental load of vacation planning and executing is, I can see why a vacation house would seem like a lot more work and a lot riskier than their usual vacation style. $3 million is a lot of money on the front end, it may have a lot of unforeseen expenses that come with homeownership. To him, a second home might not seem worth the money or effort, and may even seem overindulgent, especially if he wants to use that money to retire early instead.

Key Takeaways

A compromise is necessary in this situation. Can they get a rental home and turn it into a short-term rental like a VRBO when they aren’t using it to generate more income? Would the author’s wife be satisfied hiring a personal assistant/concierge service/travel agent instead that will do all the planning and coordinating and all the family would have to do is show up and pay the bill?

Further communication is also necessary. It’s easy for internet folk to offer opinions, but there isn’t enough context here to find a perfect solution. If this truly is an issue that they have gone back and forth on for some time, perhaps going to couples counseling to have a third party there to help guide the conversation would be beneficial.

My final takeaway is that this does just seem to be a personality and preference difference. The good news is that it doesn’t seem to be a deal-breaker in their relationship, and as many options besides the two presented in the original post exist, they will most likely reach a conclusion that lets them have what they each want out of their vacations.