I called Dave Ramsey because I make $650k a year and I’m worried about combining finances with my boyfriend who makes $150k and

A caller named Alice called the Dave Ramsey show recently to talk about her upcoming potential marriage with her boyfriend. The caller said she makes $650,000 per year and her boyfriend makes $150K and she’s worried about how they are going to combine finances after they’ve tied the knot.

It’s not just the income discrepancy that has Alice concerned either. She was in a difficult relationship in the past that she found it hard to leave because her partner had economic control over her. She’s now frightened of ending up in that position again, even though she’s making a lot of money now.

Ramsey had a lot of good advice for her in this sensitive situation, and his tips are some that anyone can use when they enter into a marriage with a big earning gap — or with a troubled financial history that makes managing money as a couple a more challenging prospect. 

Entering into a marriage when there’s a big income gap

Ramsey’s first piece of advice was based on the large income gap between the couple. He said that while he normally does not recommend prenuptial agreements, he does in specific situations — including circumstances like this one where there is a huge earning discrepancy. 

When one partner makes much more money, Ramsey said that issues may arise not necessarily because of their spouse but because of the entire family that’s involved. He warned that this kind of money can make “crazy” come out up-and-down the family tree, and having a prenup in place sets some boundaries to ensure the couple is on the same page — and that others in the family who may set their sights on the money won’t be able to exert pressure to try to access it.

A prenup may also be especially beneficial in this situation since Alice had experienced past problems with losing control over her financial security. If she enters into the marriage with an ironclad agreement in place to ensure she gets to keep her money and her fair share of marital property in case something goes wrong, then she won’t have to fear ending up in the same difficult situation where finances kept her from leaving someone who was causing her harm.

Dealing with past financial scars in a relationship

Ramsey also pointed out another issue that the couple will need to address. Because Alice did have a bad past experience, she now has a money scar that’s going to make it harder for her and her fiance to combine finances and truly share everything.

Ramsey made clear be believes that when a couple marries, they do become one and they must build a shared financial life. However, this couple may need to be more intentional about how they do that, both because of the earnings gap and because Alice may need some extra patience before she becomes comfortable sharing her financial life again after the last difficult incident. 

Negotiating the terms of the prenup can help the couple to get into the habit of talking openly about money, and can help her boyfriend to better understand where she is coming from some he can be sensitive to her issues. As the couple goes through the process, they can make sure they set themselves up for many successful discussions about creating their new financial lives together as their relationship deepens. 

While these circumstances may be especially hard, all couples can benefit from this advice. Put a prenup in place when there’s a big gap in earnings or assets, and be sure to understand where your partner is coming from and what past money issues shape their attitudes about how your combined financial life will work. Doing both of these things can spare you a lot of heartache and hopefully set you up for success.